Over The Hills and Far Away: 2012

many of these songs didn't make the 100 because they're "too new" in my life. Some could very well move up to the top 100 one day! But to play it on the safe side, I've simply decided to recognize them here.

I've set up links to each of the songs.

Click. Listen. Enjoy!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Deck the halls with new frontiers...

Deck the halls with new frontiers... FALALALA-LA-LA-LA-LA!!!!

Guys... I'm just saying Christmas is coming up and my present is on sale NOW! I wouldn't delay getting it for me because who even knows if it'll still be on sale by then!!!

don't worry though... it's only $16.99 at SmithsMarketplace.

Here's a picture you can print off and carry around with you so you don't forget:

I'll be okay if you give this to me for my Birthday.

Either way. I'll see you in December.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Genetics? Bad Child Rearing?

Saturday morning,

before breakfast I ate a chocolate chip cookie.

It was there and I was hungry and not sure if I was going to even GET breakfast.

I was later told that was a strange thing to do.

4 hours later I ate another chocolate chip cookie.

That cookie was before lunch...

While I was deciding what to eat.

I was laughed at.

As soon as I finished eating lunch I was sarcastically offered another cookie.

So I ate it.

This time with a 1/2 glass of 2% milk.

I was made fun of for eating 3 cookies in 5 hours

and this perplexed me.

Sunday I watched my 15 year old cousin down:

4 cookies, 2 pieces of chocolate, and 2 FULL glasses of milk

in the time it took me to eat a light dinner.

Watching him eat like that didn't phase me at all.

I come to work @ 7 in the morning and I see people

with their hair done, dressed in actual clothes, and quite often... even make up(!)

Few people even look HAPPY...

ugh.

This has confused me for a while...

so I started asking people

how much sleep they got last night.

Shocking discovery

MOST PEOPLE GET A GOOD AMOUNT OF SLEEP ON A REGULAR BASIS

WHAT???

I've never in my life had good sleeping patterns.

I can't ever sleep when I should, but then waking up is HELL.

My sleeping habits have NEVER been even kind of good.

I'm just now realizing how strange that is.

How not ok, and out of order all this is.

A guy at work asked me why I looked so awful this morning.
(an attempt to be sweet and caring I'm sure)
I shrugged my shoulders and said:
"Idonknow... No Make up? Genetics? Bad Child Rearing?"

Some of my behavior is off...
... It's an uncomfortable thing to realize at 22...

Monday, August 13, 2012

"My Thing"

I don't really have... a "thing"

I don't have a hobby or a talent or an interest that "defines" me.

This has always bothered me.

I mean... I don't even just need one thing and one thing only... I wouldn't mind having a few "things"

I just have always really hated the idea of people describing me

"yeah this girl Hillary... she uh... has blonde hair (most of the time)... and... uh...

she sometimes dances

sometimes does yoga

sometimes listens to music

(nothing the same that would really warrant defining her "style" of music)

sometimes follows an odd assortment of comedians

she journals... sometimes

goes to church (enough???)

She's into eastern stuff... but like the western style eastern stuff.

She likes great food... but eats a lot of junk food...

(Sometimes she doesn't eat cause it's more of a social thing for her)

(So if you think about it... she doesn't necessarily "~~love~~" food... or she'd do it more on her own)

I mean she doesn't really do anything... but she exists... you should meet her(?)

(I mean you don't have to cause there's no real reason to)"

...I don't do anything enough...

... but I do quite a bit a little bit...

Before my mother died she described my life to her friends as:

"full time work

full time church

full time school

and

full time social"

(FACT: multiple people confirmed this story at her funeral)

Sometimes I feel guilty now;

thinking about her chillin' with her angel friends

"yeah... my daughter works... and uh... sleeps.... a lot"

Then she quickly changes the subject to her busy son (who just got a promotion)

Her parents who continue to save the world

Her granddaughter who is about to start kindergarten

and Her siblings whose lives have changed so dramatically

(alright that section hit a little too close to home... no more talk about dead moms and their looming disappointment)

I want a "thing"

I need a "thing"

I need a thing like every yogi needs a favorite position;

like every movie lover needs a favorite movie;

like kids need a favorite game.

I need a thing like every comedian needs a note able hook;

like music needs notes;

Like a poet needs a notebook.

One of the last dance classes I took before my mother died was from a intermediate level dancer.

(This kind of bothered me at first because I was still pretty advanced at that time)

But it was a style that I was new to, so I could learn from anyone at that point.

She said something incredibly simple that has stuck with me;

she said (while doing the most simple foot rhythm possible)

"if you get lost, come back here. If you get lost, remember you're grounded by you're feet, and this is home base."

After she said that our feet never once stopped moving. Each combination grew on the previous, and if you got lost or confused... you returned to the simple rhythmic steps from the beginning... watched, studied, (kept moving your feet) and eventually joined back in.

I need a thing because I need a home base. I need a "place" to go, to watch, to study, to keep moving and eventually join back in.

(Moms are supposed to be home base.)

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Headache Smithenson.

This is Odd.... I know.

I've had a headache for about 3 days now. Every now and again it'll ease up a bit... but just when I think it's over and I'm done fighting it, I turn my head and it sucker punches me. It's kicking my trash. I've tried ignoring it, drugging it, sleeping it, yoga-ing it, and peppermint-ing it to death... it'll relax a bit, but it keeps coming back worse than before.

So today... having to stay home from church (again..... ugh.) I decided to not fight my headache. I went all eastern-yoga-master-one-with-self on that sucker. It's been totally weird and I feel like I should have had flowers in my hair and anti-war pamphlets (made from 100% recycled paper) on my desk.

I decided my headache was a pronoun. It was a person/thing. I made it tangible. I made it a seem like a bad house guest who pee'd on the toilet seat, tracked mud through the rooms, and ate all the food. I decided to cater to him till he decided I was boring. Every time my head would tense up with pain, or my eyes would get blurred with blind spots, I would close my eyes and do a 10 second breath (5 in, 5 out) then I would softly speak "What can I do for you?" I would imagine myself putting in a movie for my guest, Or pouring him a glass of lemonade, or even braiding his awful greasy hair.

I've been sniffing a lot of peppermint and lemongrass.

My headache has been slowly packing up and leaving. It's still really painful... but hey, I've been able to look at my computer long enough to blog!

I think this hippie thing might be good for me... I think I might try it next time my stomach acts up. (Which by the way... my stomach hasn't been bad in about 5 days!!! yahoo!)

I know right?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

1, That's a Number. 2.... is also a number.

Hello.

Sorry I haven't been around in a while. I've been kinda of in... the strangest funk.

Who knows.. Maybe I'll talk about it in this post. Maybe not.

I mostly just need to talk about last night first.

Last night was incredible.

I spent it with my good friend, we'll call him Kelby (cause that's his name) at the Motion City Soundtrack concert at The Venue. (in the small section... did you know they had a small section??? yeah... me either).

This was the sixth time I've seen Motion City, and fun crazy little fact... I've been on my period every time I've seen them. Yup.

As we stood waiting for the band to take stage Kelby and I stood there and discussed great overlooked music. It got me thinking about this one band that I love... They're called Brand New and they have some really weird and occasionally lame stuff. But they have one album that in my mind is completely flawless. It's called "The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me."

Sounds super messed up right? Well, in a way it is. But really it's not, it's actually the perfect tittle for this album. This entire album completely depicts the transition from being a teenager to an adult so well. It's like we've all been taught good:bad, right:wrong; good:evil, yet I feel like I was lied to. I feel like every single one of my teachers and clergy and family members whoever talked about life as being black and white told me a bold faced flat out lie. This entire album talks about that. Just the back and forth and inner being vs. what is being shown to the world.

Everything in life contradicts its self. Rules/Laws, Finances, Basic Human Behavior, even Scripture sometimes. So what? I don't know. I don't know "so what?" I don't know what the point of my thoughts are, I don't know what the point of money or "proper" behavior is. Sometimes I daydream about living in a small town on a farm... or in a developing country... where life makes sense because everything you do is done because it has to be done, because it's a matter of need.

Americans Suffer from depression because of an overload of choices and wants and then regret and shame based on their decisions. The American Dream. I live here... I'm blessed enough to have the opportunity to obtain it... but some people aren't cut out to "make it" that big. So then do I fail? What is failing when we're talking about an idea that is so broad and vast that it can't be defined? What if I do achieve the American Dream of a big house, white picket fence, and financial security; but fail in having a successful family life? Have I still failed?

Turns out I talked about the funk. Well.. part of it anyway. More to come later. In the mean time, enjoy this picture of Kelby and me.

Also.... Enjoy My favorite Motion City song they played last night.

Monday, April 16, 2012

The Girl

There are times in my life where I think reality becomes overwhelming. Where I just need to breath. I need to be whisked away in a fantasy with no basis on actual events. So I should read right? Yeah I know you'd think with this specific desire I'd be a total Harry Potter fan huh. well I'm not. I don't like fantasy.

So what in the world am I talking about?

I don't know actually. I think whether I need it or not I just enjoy getting caught up in a dream. I enjoy this make believe land I've created in my mind where Oprah thinks I'm fascinating, where I still dance 30 ish hours a week, where I actually look good without make up, and where random love songs are written about me. Like this one:

This is actually completely the reason I'm posting anything. I'm in love with this song. I'm in love with how in love he is with whoever "her" is. It's fantastic. Listen to the whole thing. Ugh. One day a love song about me will be a reality....................right?

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Narnia Part I

I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to write. I just know it's not going to be a lot. This is just going to be a little reflective over view. (is any body else seriously struggling with motivation lately too?)

ok. Here is the news. I went to Washington DC! It was incredible. I loved every second of it.

Back up. Why did I go? I went because History is my minor in college and I spend a ton of money and time learning about this place, but all I did was read about it. It was no more real to me than Narnia. So. Life got a little rocky again and one morning I woke up with two very clear options for the day; I was either going to have a panic attack, or I was going to buy a plane ticket somewhere. So I called my aunt and did very little "talking into" and the next day we booked our flight!

It was incredible having her by my side on this trip. I think her expectations were different of me on the trip. She seemed to expect to be dragged around like a rag doll starting at 7 am every morning and just trying to see everything. She seemed to be grateful that I was more than happy to sleep in till 9 every day, and not wake her up for another hour. Although... I doubt she expected me to do so much soul searching on the trip. She was great. She handled everything like a champ and we both learned a lot on the trip.

Here are just a few...... very very very few highligths.

Dancing in front of the Capitol!

Carolyn Joined us one day (monday)!! It was so good to see her. She's just as lovely as I remembered.

Chair and I sitting on the steps of the Lincoln memorial gazing on the Amazing that is DC.

We had a lot of fun at all the different art museums. My favorite was when she'd turn to me and whisper "Hillary... I don't get it." That would usually happen in front of pieces that I actually really enjoyed.

I quoted Tom Hanks an absurd amount on the trip. For example, whenever ANYONE would talk about George Washington University I would turn to Chair and say "did you pledge?..............everyday." (it's from "Big") I also did a lot of Forest Gump lines, even calling her Jennay a few times.

I was disappointed with a few things I had high expectations of, and blown away by things I wasn't even expecting to see. I found this at the National Gallery of Art and I find it to be flawless. This is an absolutely incredible piece with so much symbolism and meaning behind it. Love it!

I know how to act like a lady. And I did most of the time. But let there be no mistake.... when it was appropriate... I was a total goof ball.

Like I said, it was a great trip with a lot of "looking within." I'm so glad I had my aunt with me and I adored the family we stayed with. Coming home was strangely excited for both of us, but we wouldn't have traded our time for anything.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Poster.

Last night I made a facebook status update that read like this:

"I need a good cry, so I decided to watch Titanic. Problem.... I don't own Titanic. So I decided to stare at my Titanic poster for a while. Not the same effect.... who knew."

I don't know if you believed me. So I decided to take a picture:

Then I decided that you needed to see my other posters.

Justin Bieber.

This next one I stole this one from my mother before she passed away. I'm kind of glad she saw that we shared a strange love for him.

Christopher Reeves.

Anyway(S). There you have it. That's what takes up my doors. (I actually have a James Dean one that I LOVE... I just haven't hung it up. I need to get around to that now that I'm thinking about it)

Also.. I've been listening to alot of Garth Brooks lately, which has been just as magical as it sounds. Here is a song for your enjoyment:

okay okay okay Back to homework.

Monday, January 16, 2012

First and Third

I'll be checking a major thing off of my "Bucket List" this weekend.

To celebrate our one year anniversary, Paul and I are driving down to to watch my FAVORITE COMEDIAN OF ALL TIME:

Now keep in mind...We'll be doing that the DAY after we see my THIRD favorite comedian

This is going to be the funniest weekend of my life.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

2012

I've always hated New Years Resolutions. I've always thought that it was a terrible way to start off a year... setting a goal that you only superficially care about... and yet you beat yourself up in mid march because you for whatever reason you didn't keep up to the unreasonable plan you had. But this year I caved. I decided I need to make some...goals? changes? resolutions? whatever. It doesn't matter what you call them, they all mean the same thing: in 2011 I wasn't someone I was ultra proud to be. Not because I was a bad person. But I was lacking.

Now I wish I could make some goals that were going to make me this great person, but no single goal can repair this big of a mess. So... baby steps right? Make small tweaks that will hopefully have a domino effect... (hope....)

So here they are. My goals. My Tweaks. My New Year Resolutions.

(In no order particular order)

Spend More Time With Levi Douglas.