I did it.

This picture was taken at about 2 am Saturday Morning.

I was blonde.

These were taken later saturday night.

I'm now... Light brown.

Even though the votes were 15 to 1. I did it.

I think I like it.

It's only a demi.

Only 8 weeks.

If you don't like it.

Get over it and wait 7 weeks.

To love somebody

First off... I'm obsessed with this song. I can't stop listening to it actually. Can't. CAN NOT. I'm... in love.

Second off... on the note of being in love. I'm in love with both of these men. I own way too much of each of their works of art, or musical tracks as you kids call it. I would marry both of them, purely for them to sing to me every now and again. That... and I kinda have a thing for Ray's facial hair. If I end up with either of them, it'll probably be Ray, even though I'm a bigger Damien fan. I think Damien might have some underlining anger issues, and possibly a drinking problem. That... and bad hair. Ray on the other hand... would just hold me and love me and ooo... that beard.

These are then men that have my heart.

Third off... One of my favorite things to do is to say "first off" then make a statement, then say "And B" then make a statement. I like to see if people catch me switching from numbers to letters. This gives me great joy and entertainment. Your welcome for not doing that here. No promises for future posts.

Almost.

I was told recently that I had an amazing ability to find the perfect song. The song that was the exact situation, just with music notes. Usually decorative piano between verses, instead of a defining silence between statements, gestures, or emotional expression.

This person simply restated something my mother used to tell me. She used to cry every time she'd watch me dance. She'd tear up when I'd be laying on the floor telling her about a song, what each lyric meant, what each cord meant, and why it ended the way that it did. She always told me I connected with music and understood music in a way that admirable. This was an amazing compliment coming from a musician such as herself.

So you can only image how frustrating this past month has been. Trying to find the right song. The song that states the reality of him being gone. That states the fact that he asked me to stay. That shows the aggravation. That states "I"m happy you're happy," but "I really wish you'd change your mind." That expresses the flat out... What the heck?!

This song... isn't it. The melody is wrong. The singer isn't the one who should be singing it. And the piano isn't right. But the lyrics are close. This is the song that I'm calling "almost". I refuse to say that it is the song, because it's not. But this is the song that I'm accepting till I find THE song. And maybe by then it'll be "Rootless Tree" (by Damien Rice) (don't look that one up. it swears a lot) or "Look at You Now" (by Joe Purdy). But I'm sick of over playing "Pretty Things" (by Jay Nash, Matt Duke & Tony Lucca), "It Doesn't Hurt" (by Katie Thompson), and "Romeo and Juliet" (performed by Matt Nathanson......(this is my false hope song)). I've attempted to convince myself that "Some Things Don't Work Out" (by Joe Purdy) is the song... but it's not. Because it could have. There are so many other songs that I've listened to over and over again, that one line fits, or the violin is perfect. But rather than sharing all of them, I'm going to leave it as these. Because I feel that you are getting the point. If you haven't, please tell me, I've got about 10 more I'd be happy to share.

(I heard today that my posts are too long... that's why nobody really reads them.... *cough*)

Ladies and Gentlemen. Here is Almost the Song.

Research

Looking ahead at my English assignments, I decided I want my end of semester portfolio to be themed. I want each of my papers to have one word tittles, and for each paper to revolve around one word; how it has effected me, it's true meaning, and life changing (or altering) moments due to one word.

I'm supposed to be writing a paper on a "significant event" in my life. While I've had plenty of moments that run through my mind, none of them can seem to be said in 3-4 pages of double spaced 12 pt. times new roman font allotted. So, I've had to think of smaller events, not huge events to where my entire being changes, but simple events to where my view of being is slightly altered.

I did classic brainstorming, that resulted in a list, that slowly has been narrowed down. The final two, in the serious category, have now been chosen. "Didn't" and "Silent." I'm not going to get deeply into why each of those words are important, or what happened with each of those words, because that is not what this blog post is about. This blog post is about the light research, and it's findings, that took place while attempting to decide the final topic of the paper. "Silent" is the paper that I was leaning towards. It's about putting your phone on silent, and all the implications, and expectations that come from the act of holding down that ever famous #. (If I end up writing it, don't worry, I'll post it.) So of course, out of fear of writing something that has already been written, I look for it. Among other things, I google "Turning your phone on silent." And this is where my story begins.

Fifth from the top there is a link to ehow.com. Ehow? The website that informs, and teaches you how to do everything from build a bookself, to even mend a broken heart. This web result, can only result in great things. I click on it.

"How to Find a Lost Cell Phone That Is on Silent"

.

That, my friends, is the tittle of the article. While I think this is a completely ligitimate thing to worry about, it's the situation that came to my mind while reading this tittle (and article) that made me, literally, laugh out loud.

All of us, or at least I hope more then just I, have turned our phone on silent, then lost it. This always creates a slightly more paniced situation than just the usual, I can't find my phone. Because when you simply can't find your phone, just borrow someone elses, call it, and laugh when you find it in your coat pocket, on the couch, or still in your back pack. But when it's on silent... you have to sit, and think hard about where it could be. If it's late enough, aka dark enough, you can sometimes call it and see the flashing light. Yes, I've done this. Yes I understand it's a slightly more intense situation then the normal lost phone. What makes me laugh about this tittle is this, there have been people, who have been paniced enough about it, and confused enough about how to handle the situation, that it's been google'd. Someone knew someone who did not know how to handle the situation, that they wrote an entire step by step article, to ease their troubled mind.

While the tittle was funny to me, the steps just got more absurd and more hilarious at the thought of them actually happening. The thought of someone being that worried about their phone. Here are a few examples, and my thoughts pertaining to them:

3. Register your phone with a service such as AccuTracking if your cell phone company doesn't offer GPS locator services. AccuTracking is often used by parents to track the location of their children, but it can also be used to help you locate your lost phone.

I lose things alot... I really do. But... there is usually only about one of three, maybe five places they could be at. If you're getting to the point where you need a GPS for your cell phone, you my friend, are not mature enough to have a cell phone. That... or you're in too many places in too short of a time. To which I say, calm down.

5. Rent a metal detector and sweep the area where you think you might have lost it.

Couple things with this one. I understand getting attatched to material objects. I've got a stuffed animal I refuse to get rid of, and a ring I've been wearing for 13 years. But really? Your cell phone? This seems mighty extreme to me. But then I image a 14 year old girl, going balistic that she can't find her phone, renting a metal detector and completely terrorizing the house. No one has that pressing of information on their phone! All this being said... if any of you rent a metal detector to find your phone... please... I will pay for the rental if you allow me to take pictures and post them everywhere. You may not have your dignity afterwards, but at least you'll have your phone.

6. Call your phone, and walk around with a portable music device, preferably something older like a walkman with attached external speakers or an old boombox. If you are lucky, the ringing phone will cause distortion in the audio, which can help you pinpoint it's location.

This is hilarious because it specifies "walkman." Just imagine being with a friend, losing your phone (which unfortunately was on silent), and expressing disstress. Your friend calmly looks at you and replies "dude, no worries, I keep a walkman in my car for this exact reason."

So there you have it. Yet another post about how absurd I think cell phones, and the human connection to them are. I only posted 3 of the 6 suggestions to the epidemic issue of lost silent phones, but I felt they were the most needed. I hope this will solve all your problems of lost silent phones. Together, we WILL find a solution to this. ( Ivie for President... 2028).

Gratitude

Probably the greatest video on the internet. I watch this on a regular basis. Keeps me thankful. And annoyed with those who aren't :)

I. Loneliness

By Robert Frost

One ough not to have to care So much as you and I Care when the birds come round the house To seem to say good-by;

Or care so much when they come back With whatever it is they sing; The truth being we are as much too glad for the one thing

As we are too sad for the other here- With birds that fill their breasts But with each other and themselves And Their built or driven nests.

How perfect is this?

3 Am Graveyard Sleepless.

By Hillary Ivie

It's not your job to save me. Then whose is it instead? I Look at the clock Its 3 am. Cry. Then Go to bed.

It's not your job to save me. I can save myself you know, I can smile and laugh. Can you put on that kind of show?

It's not your job to save me. I pay the bills my own. Not a single dime borrowed. I fake that yours is my home.

It's not your job to save me. I've lived there once before, I'm not afraid to go back, I'll leave tonight by four.

It's not your job to save me. I run most every night I do that so the pretties won't see, The dark keeps me out of sight

It's not your job to save me. To sit and stitch up my wrist, I didn't mean to do it but, I had to, or make a fist.

It's not your job to save me. So get off your mighty horse My life isn't your play ground, Nor is it a crash course.

It's not your job to save me. You've done your share of good, But my life you've made it harder, To know exactly if I could.

It's not your job to save me. Nor is it his, or hers. I'll be fine don't worry, Least not till the herse.

It's not your job to save me. You wouldn't if I asked. You want me to forget and forget, Everything of our past.

It's not your job to save me. Even though I need it now, I want to scream "HELP ME", But I can't, I don't know how.

It's not your job to save me. So whose is it instead? It's 3 in the morning, Why can't I go to bed?

The Conversation

I wasn't going to post this till tomorrow. But here I am... posting it today.

This is the conversation I had on Feb. 2, 2011. Almost to a T. This is has always been one of my favorite songs... But never a song I wanted to empathize with. Never a song I wanted to hear simply spoken by a man sitting on my couch. But it happened. And here is the song, that fits perfectly.