The Girl

There are times in my life where I think reality becomes overwhelming. Where I just need to breath. I need to be whisked away in a fantasy with no basis on actual events. So I should read right? Yeah I know you'd think with this specific desire I'd be a total Harry Potter fan huh. well I'm not. I don't like fantasy.

So what in the world am I talking about?

I don't know actually. I think whether I need it or not I just enjoy getting caught up in a dream. I enjoy this make believe land I've created in my mind where Oprah thinks I'm fascinating, where I still dance 30 ish hours a week, where I actually look good without make up, and where random love songs are written about me. Like this one:

This is actually completely the reason I'm posting anything. I'm in love with this song. I'm in love with how in love he is with whoever "her" is. It's fantastic. Listen to the whole thing. Ugh. One day a love song about me will be a reality....................right?

Fav Five

"What's your top five?"

This question is one I ask on a regular basis. I expect people to have opinions on the music they listen to. I expect people to have passion, to some degree, to one of the greatest driving forces of our existence.

Yet, I have a hard time answering that question. I have a hard time Narrowing it down to simply five artists that I love. But, while having this conversation with a gentleman at work, I realized, I have 5 very distinct categories, with very specific artist under each. So, to my faithful readers, here it is.

My TOP FIVE.Each category is stated, explained, then the artists are listed in order of favorite within the group.

NUMB#R 1

THE GREATS:

These are the most influential artists of the 20th century. They "did it first." And quite frankly, did it best. These are the ones who understood who they were enough, to appeal to everyone, in every situation, in any mood, at least through one song. They are the writers of easily the greatest pieces of work during their rein. They are the owners of most of my "all time favorite songs."

They are:

Led Zeppelin.

The Beatles.

NUMB#R 2

THE CLASSICS:

These are the men that ignite the day dreams. That inspire the colorful wishes of "better." That make you disregard what is wrong, and change everything for good. These are they that your shaped your in-curable-ly-optimistic-grandmother. Even their saddest song can brighten your clouded skies.

They are:

Nat King Cole.

Tony Bennett

Ludwig Van Beethoven.

NUMB#R 3

THE BEARDS:

These are the Shakespeare's with guitars. They are the men who are consumed with doubts, fears, and regrets. And at times, unspeakable joy. They miss "how it was supposed to be" and the "one that got away." They are realistically lost, and relate-ibly confused. They experienced their lives head on, not hiding from a single painful lesson, and reflected on it. They grown beards, write music, and touch hearts.

They are:

William Fitzsimmons

Damien Rice

Joe Purdy

Ray Lamontange

NUMB#R 4

THE PUNK ROCKERS:

These are the guys that you blast in your car alone. They're who you turn to when your heart is racing, and your voice is aching to scream out. They remind you what your middle finger is for, that you're better off, and how to ask a question. They can write the perfect song for when your blood is boiling, or the sweetest song for when you're in love. They make you take a double look at your surroundings, while simultaneously helping you improve your sweet air guitar or dashboard drumming. They sing the saddest songs that make you rock, and cry the tender ones acoustically.

They are:

Motion City Soundtrack

Brand New

Fall Out Boy

Anberlin

A Thorn for Every Heart

NUMB#R 5

THE CURIOUS OBSESSION:

They are the ones you admit to owning all of their albums, only after present company has confessed to liking them. They are the ones you can't let go of, even when you know they have absolutely no true musical talent (that statement does not apply to all). You can't change the station while they're playing, yet change it as fast as you can as soon as the song is over. You can't get enough of them, when you can't stand most of their genre. You find yourself looking up, not just their music, but the latest blurbs about them on the Internet. They're the ones to put on your ipod while running, but won't turn it up loud enough for others to hear. They inspire the hair-brush-booty-shaking-lip-syncing-dancing-around-the-house moments of inexplicable joy. They are those that you can't explain the love, but just know you can't leave.

They are:

Britney Spears

Ace of Base

Garth Brooks

Journey

P. Diddy

Kelly Clarkson

So there you have it. Those are the artists I love. Some easy to understand, and some, not. Even for me. But, they're all great, and I love all of them.

Old Man, Piano, Bow Tie

I bought a new album off itunes. it's like 120 piano solos.

I'm absolutely in love with the piano. and this is my newest favorite song.

Will

Have you ever just inexplicably connected with someone?

I have a lot to say about this man. I'll write about him later. Right now... just enjoy my latest song purchase of his.

Caithlyn and Mitchell

.............................*sigh..................................

Lost Cause

Don't think too much about it. Just enjoy a great song that happens to be "it" for tonight at 1 am.

May I Have This Dance?

ok.... ok ok ok ok..... OK! I admit it... While I HATE 97% of "Chick Flicks" I'm a hopeless romantic. This is probably one of my all time FAVORITE songs. I can put it on repeat and listen to it for probably an hour, easy. Aren't they wonderful? This song just makes me wanna slow dance in the kitchen. Go ahead.... try and tell me it doesn't do the same to you.

Fur Elise

"... Of course, I am resolved to rise above every obstacle, but how will it be possible? ..."

-Ludwig Van Beethoven

That Does Sound Fantastic... and Weird

Last night was the BEST night I've had in an incredibly long time.

It started out terribly.

Here's how my May 27th went.

Work isn't important to this story.

Came home from work around 3:45 pm.

Tried to take a nap.

The neighbor kids were SCREAMING.

Couldn't sleep.

Lied there annoyed beyond belief.

Finally got up.

Ate a half can of peas.

Got excited for summer...

... fresh peas from the garden.

Ended up at the gym.

Ran for an hour.

Then did weights for an hour.

All while watching 16 and Pregnant.

While walking home from the gym,

Made a phone call.

While on the phone, became overly

Frustrated... Annoyed... Scared... Fed-up... Over Whelmed.

Bailed on my original plans. Sorry.

Sat on my bed Looked in the mirror and stressed about life altering choices.

Then... I decided to have a me night. Not a night of self-indulgence.

But simply a night to calm down.

So me nights actually take alot thought

And... have very strict rules.

(Here is where my night becomes good)

Rule #1 You have to feel pretty. For me this is always Freshly washed face Freshly brushed teeth Well nourished hair and.... cute underwear.

In order to accomplish this... I spend an hour and a half soaking

Not just any kind of bath...

All Lights off.

These instead.

Rule #2 Music Must be Played.

Not just any music though. The Apple Ipod Shuffle option... Is not an option.

Create a playlist.

Fit the mood exactly.

Delicate: Damien Rice

Cold Water: Damien Rice

Accidental Babies: Damien Rice

Wild Horses: Natasha Bedingfield

Amie: Damien Rice

Miserable At Best: Mayday Parade

The Conversation: Motion City Soundtrack

Just Another Old Love Song: Joe Purdy

Pigeon: Jump Little Children

Grey Room: Damien Rice

Don't Call Me Peanut: Bayside

Lullaby: Billy Joel

Little Black Heart: The Early November

Fire and Rain: James Taylor

More Than We Could Chew: Joel Pack

Burn: Ray Lamontagne

Jolene: Ray Lamontagne

Rule #3 Surround with Favorites.

Used favorite shampoo.

Used favorite tooth paste.

Wore favorite sweat pants.

and... underwear

Went to favorite convenient store (7-Eleven)

bought favorite treats:

&

Rule #4 Sleep

Sleep Like you do at the end of yoga.

Breathing.

Eye lids s.l.o.w.l.y. getting heavier.

Rule #5 Think. Constantly.

This... Will be it's own post.

Later.

Instrumental.

I'm not a normal person, and so this is all very fitting.

Music is one of the MOST important things in my life.

It's what I spend most of my "extra" money on, It's how I relate to most other humans,

It's the one thing I honestly feel I could NEVER live without.

This past week I was thinking about it,

about how much I love music,

how much power it has over me. While all types of music get to me-

There are a few instruments that seem to...

tug at my heart strings a little harder than others,

Instruments that as soon as I hear them in a song,

I almost instantly like the song...

to SOME degree.

Here they are... in order:

THE ACCORDION THE BANJO

THE ACOUSTIC GUITAR THE SOLO PIANO THE "OPENING "CHELLO

There are so many more that aren't being mentioned. Like the harmonica in a song that has a deep throated blues singer. Or the Marimba that puts a positive spin on anything. Or the Violin, which can accompany anyone, in any style of music, and create any kind of mood. Anyway(s), Those... are my top five favorite instraments. Hope you enjoy!

To love somebody

First off... I'm obsessed with this song. I can't stop listening to it actually. Can't. CAN NOT. I'm... in love.

Second off... on the note of being in love. I'm in love with both of these men. I own way too much of each of their works of art, or musical tracks as you kids call it. I would marry both of them, purely for them to sing to me every now and again. That... and I kinda have a thing for Ray's facial hair. If I end up with either of them, it'll probably be Ray, even though I'm a bigger Damien fan. I think Damien might have some underlining anger issues, and possibly a drinking problem. That... and bad hair. Ray on the other hand... would just hold me and love me and ooo... that beard.

These are then men that have my heart.

Third off... One of my favorite things to do is to say "first off" then make a statement, then say "And B" then make a statement. I like to see if people catch me switching from numbers to letters. This gives me great joy and entertainment. Your welcome for not doing that here. No promises for future posts.

Almost.

I was told recently that I had an amazing ability to find the perfect song. The song that was the exact situation, just with music notes. Usually decorative piano between verses, instead of a defining silence between statements, gestures, or emotional expression.

This person simply restated something my mother used to tell me. She used to cry every time she'd watch me dance. She'd tear up when I'd be laying on the floor telling her about a song, what each lyric meant, what each cord meant, and why it ended the way that it did. She always told me I connected with music and understood music in a way that admirable. This was an amazing compliment coming from a musician such as herself.

So you can only image how frustrating this past month has been. Trying to find the right song. The song that states the reality of him being gone. That states the fact that he asked me to stay. That shows the aggravation. That states "I"m happy you're happy," but "I really wish you'd change your mind." That expresses the flat out... What the heck?!

This song... isn't it. The melody is wrong. The singer isn't the one who should be singing it. And the piano isn't right. But the lyrics are close. This is the song that I'm calling "almost". I refuse to say that it is the song, because it's not. But this is the song that I'm accepting till I find THE song. And maybe by then it'll be "Rootless Tree" (by Damien Rice) (don't look that one up. it swears a lot) or "Look at You Now" (by Joe Purdy). But I'm sick of over playing "Pretty Things" (by Jay Nash, Matt Duke & Tony Lucca), "It Doesn't Hurt" (by Katie Thompson), and "Romeo and Juliet" (performed by Matt Nathanson......(this is my false hope song)). I've attempted to convince myself that "Some Things Don't Work Out" (by Joe Purdy) is the song... but it's not. Because it could have. There are so many other songs that I've listened to over and over again, that one line fits, or the violin is perfect. But rather than sharing all of them, I'm going to leave it as these. Because I feel that you are getting the point. If you haven't, please tell me, I've got about 10 more I'd be happy to share.

(I heard today that my posts are too long... that's why nobody really reads them.... *cough*)

Ladies and Gentlemen. Here is Almost the Song.

The Conversation

I wasn't going to post this till tomorrow. But here I am... posting it today.

This is the conversation I had on Feb. 2, 2011. Almost to a T. This is has always been one of my favorite songs... But never a song I wanted to empathize with. Never a song I wanted to hear simply spoken by a man sitting on my couch. But it happened. And here is the song, that fits perfectly.

Smashing Bottles.

I had two guy friends in high school. They, were a few years older. I rarely saw them, but we were always there for each other. (I never see either of them any more, they're both serving time for robbing a bank, yeah, thats another story... a really good one too. Maybe later.) We got together, what felt like once a month for about a year. We did what we called "Smashing"... Let me explain the ritual.

These two boys drank alot... A LOT of Jones Soda. Which is in a glass bottle. They would save the bottles for "Smashing." How "Smashing" would begin, is one of us three, whoever needed it, would send the text "Smashing. 11pm" Or 12 am. We would meet at a park that is right off of 5300 south, sit on a bench and talk. We would share stories of what was going wrong in our lives, and we'd give each other the best advice we possibly could. At the end of our "pity party" each of us would grab a glass bottle, peel off the label, hold the bottle up high, make a statement, and throw the bottle down, smashing the bottle into as many pieces as possible. (We always cleaned up the glass I promise).

One time, one of my friends had just broken up with his girlfriend. She had told him that it didn't feel right. And with that... she walked away. His heart was broken... He didn't understand how he could feel so right about her, and how she could get to the point where she could walk away from him. (They later got married. So.... screw them for having a happy love story, because most don't turn out like that) That's besides the point. The point is... on the night that we were "smashing" in honor of his broken heart, my friend said something that has stuck with me ever since, and is ringing more true now then ever.

As he lifted up his arm, grasping the neck of the bottle, with tears in his eyes, a trembling bottom lip, and a shakey voice he simply says "I can Live without you......... I just don't want to." The bottle was hurled to the ground, and the sound of the bottle breaking into a thousand peices against the gravel matched the sound that each of our hearts have made at some point.

This story is relevant because for a few days I've caught myself listening to a song. It's called "Miserable at Best." It is performed by Mayday Parade. Fantastic song. Really, beautiful lyrics, calming, understanding melody. Beautiful. But it drives me NUTS that I keep listening to it. Because it's not it. It's not the right song.

In the chorus of the song it states simply "I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best." No. No. I won't be miserable at best. I am completely capable of walking away from this, moving on, finding someone else, and being incredibly happy. "I can live without you"

It drives me nuts when people ask "are you alright?" Yes. I am. With everything I've ever gone through, with everything I'm going through, yes, I'm alright. Not being alright would imply major needs are not being met. When actually, there are very few NEEDS in this world. I have always had a place to stay, even if it be my car. I've always had access to food and water. My NEEDS are met. I am Alright. And rarely does someone HONESTLY ***NEED*** another person. We just have strong desires towards people. .... I don't need you. I will be fine without you. I can live without you.

The question is- Am I ok? No. I can do plenty of things. I can do, overcome, and endure many things. I sometimes... just don't want to.

.... I want to understand like (insert appropriate name) does. I want the same feelings so I don't feel lost in this. I want to know something. Life is just simply theories, and how we apply them. All we can do is be really, very, absurdly sure of things. But your surity means nothing when anothers doesn't match.

I Can Live Without You............................................................... I Just Don't Want To.

The Beatles - We Can Work It Out