Smashing Bottles.

I had two guy friends in high school. They, were a few years older. I rarely saw them, but we were always there for each other. (I never see either of them any more, they're both serving time for robbing a bank, yeah, thats another story... a really good one too. Maybe later.) We got together, what felt like once a month for about a year. We did what we called "Smashing"... Let me explain the ritual.

These two boys drank alot... A LOT of Jones Soda. Which is in a glass bottle. They would save the bottles for "Smashing." How "Smashing" would begin, is one of us three, whoever needed it, would send the text "Smashing. 11pm" Or 12 am. We would meet at a park that is right off of 5300 south, sit on a bench and talk. We would share stories of what was going wrong in our lives, and we'd give each other the best advice we possibly could. At the end of our "pity party" each of us would grab a glass bottle, peel off the label, hold the bottle up high, make a statement, and throw the bottle down, smashing the bottle into as many pieces as possible. (We always cleaned up the glass I promise).

One time, one of my friends had just broken up with his girlfriend. She had told him that it didn't feel right. And with that... she walked away. His heart was broken... He didn't understand how he could feel so right about her, and how she could get to the point where she could walk away from him. (They later got married. So.... screw them for having a happy love story, because most don't turn out like that) That's besides the point. The point is... on the night that we were "smashing" in honor of his broken heart, my friend said something that has stuck with me ever since, and is ringing more true now then ever.

As he lifted up his arm, grasping the neck of the bottle, with tears in his eyes, a trembling bottom lip, and a shakey voice he simply says "I can Live without you......... I just don't want to." The bottle was hurled to the ground, and the sound of the bottle breaking into a thousand peices against the gravel matched the sound that each of our hearts have made at some point.

This story is relevant because for a few days I've caught myself listening to a song. It's called "Miserable at Best." It is performed by Mayday Parade. Fantastic song. Really, beautiful lyrics, calming, understanding melody. Beautiful. But it drives me NUTS that I keep listening to it. Because it's not it. It's not the right song.

In the chorus of the song it states simply "I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best." No. No. I won't be miserable at best. I am completely capable of walking away from this, moving on, finding someone else, and being incredibly happy. "I can live without you"

It drives me nuts when people ask "are you alright?" Yes. I am. With everything I've ever gone through, with everything I'm going through, yes, I'm alright. Not being alright would imply major needs are not being met. When actually, there are very few NEEDS in this world. I have always had a place to stay, even if it be my car. I've always had access to food and water. My NEEDS are met. I am Alright. And rarely does someone HONESTLY ***NEED*** another person. We just have strong desires towards people. .... I don't need you. I will be fine without you. I can live without you.

The question is- Am I ok? No. I can do plenty of things. I can do, overcome, and endure many things. I sometimes... just don't want to.

.... I want to understand like (insert appropriate name) does. I want the same feelings so I don't feel lost in this. I want to know something. Life is just simply theories, and how we apply them. All we can do is be really, very, absurdly sure of things. But your surity means nothing when anothers doesn't match.

I Can Live Without You............................................................... I Just Don't Want To.