Sweet Sixteen.

I guess I felt robbed.

I mean, turning 16 is a huge deal,

Or maybe I just wanted it to be.

I look back on it now,

and I wish it would have been a regular night.

I wish she wouldn't have been her,

Or

I wish she wouldn't have tried to be sweet. 

She could have just been one...

but being both was too much for me.

Mom was going to stop by for just a second,

long enough to wish me "Happy Birthday,"

watch me open the presents she got me,

and see me off on my very first date. 

She was late. 

And high as a kite.

I sat at the table and opened each gift,

becoming more and more angry with each tear of the paper.

Why had she gotten me everything I asked for?

How had she found this limited edition album?

What kind of game was this?

She sat across from me,

with a goofy drunken smile-

knowing that she had given me the perfect birthday.

I stared at her,

as tears welled up in my eyes 

I clenched my jaw and through my teeth said

"this isn't fair."

Helping her into the passenger seat of her car,

I buckled her seat belt, 

double checked to make sure she was completely in,

then slammed her door as hard as I could. 

As I drove her home-

my knuckles whitened from clenching the wheel,

Mom began to cry. 

She sobbed that she thought she got me what I wanted.

She cried apologies for not being enough.

She tearfully questioned my reaction.

I concentrated on the snowy roads.

Pulling into her driveway,

the tires spun on the thick ice. 

I turned off the car,

helped Mom out of the car and into the house,

still not saying a word.

Walking into the kitchen

I stood at the counter,

feeling my heart pound harder and harder

as I stared at the open prescription bottles on the stove.

I refused to cry.

I refused to yell.

I swallowed the anger.

I ignored the pain.

I waved goodbye,

and walked out the door.

I walked home in the snow storm,

feeling the tears nearly freeze on my face.

I stopped and punched a snow bank

 I guess to somehow to tell the universe

That I knew my mom had tried,

 but that she somehow had missed the point.