Best Friends

I've been struggling with the concept of friends as of late. 

I'll actually be writing quite a hefty post about this...

but as for right now I'm just going to share a quick story.

 A few nights ago I was at my aunt's house. 

This wasn't a planned visit so I wasn't expecting much out of it.

She was busy.

Her husband wasn't home.

And my 4 year old cousin had a friend over.

Needless to say I just kinda did my own thing for a while.

Till my cousin's friend left and he came upstairs to say hi.

As we sat there talking and poking fun at each other,

he sounded out and pointed to a bunch of letters on the computer screen.

He just wanted to show me what he had learned.

I had a strange mix of excitement and a lump in my throat as he pointed to each letter.

I was so excited that he had learned so much since I last "read" with him,

and completely broken heart-ted  because he's just growing up so fast!

So...

... to avoid actual tears, I quickly started tickling him while saying

that I loved him being little... 

that I was sad he was growing up

and that I just wanted him to be little and my best friend forever.

(we're declared best friends)

He whipped around and grabbed my face and said

"I'll always be your best friend"

I replied

"What about when you're a stinky ol' teenager that is too cool for me?"

He laughed and said 

"Hirry (that's how he says my name).... even when I'm big like you, we'll always be best friends"

I quickly asked

"promise?"

 He turned back around and slid off my lap and as he walked away said 

"YUP!"

It's stupid... But he is... without a doubt... my best friend right now.

Thrift Shop

Simply too fantastic to not share!

ENJOY!

Honorable Mentions

As many of you know I've been working on my

TOP 100 FAVORITE SONGS OF ALL TIME.

Welp. It's done!

But before I introduce you to a list of songs that I believe to be some of the greatest compilations of notes, melodies, and lyrics;

I want to recognize some fantastic songs that didn't quite make the cut.

 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen...

THE HONORABLE MENTIONS:

 

(honorable mentions are in alphabetic order of artist, not order of "likeness")

 

Lost: Anouk

The Weight: The Band

Fred Jones Part 2: Ben Folds

Walk Away: Ben Harper

I Think It's Going To Rain Today: Bette Midler

For What It's Worth: Buffalo Springfield

The Girl: City and Colour

Just Like Heaven: The Cure

Passenger Seat: Death Cab for Cutie

Blasphemous Rumors:  Depeche Mode

Till The End of Time: Devotchka

Come On Eileen: Dexys Midnight Runners

1000 Times A Day: The Early November

That's All Right: Elvis Presley

Be Calm: Fun.

Far More: The Honorary Title 

One of Us: Joan Osborne

This Is Twice Now: Lydia 

Ride Wit Me: Nelly 

Dreamer: Ozzy Osbourne

Fancy: Reba McEntire

My Herione: Silverstein

Me and the Moon: Something Corporate

Wannabe: Spice Girls

Civilian: Wye Oak

 

many of these songs didn't make the 100 because they're "too new" in my life. Some could very well move up to the top 100 one day! But to play it on the safe side, I've simply decided to recognize them here.  

I've set up links to each of the songs. 

Click. Listen. Enjoy!

Deck the halls with new frontiers...

Deck the halls with new frontiers... FALALALA-LA-LA-LA-LA!!!!

Guys... I'm just saying Christmas is coming up and my present is on sale NOW! I wouldn't delay getting it for me because who even knows if it'll still be on sale by then!!!

don't worry though... it's only $16.99 at SmithsMarketplace.

Here's a picture you can print off and carry around with you so you don't forget:

I'll be okay if you give this to me for my Birthday.

Either way. I'll see you in December.

Genetics? Bad Child Rearing?

Saturday morning, 

before breakfast I ate a chocolate chip cookie.

It was there and I was hungry and not sure if I was going to even GET breakfast.

I was later told that was a strange thing to do. 

4 hours later I ate another chocolate chip cookie.

That cookie was before lunch...

While I was deciding what to eat.

I was laughed at.

As soon as I finished eating lunch I was sarcastically offered another cookie.

So I ate it.

This time with a 1/2 glass of 2% milk.

I was made fun of for eating 3 cookies in 5 hours

and this perplexed me.

Sunday I watched my 15 year old cousin down:

4 cookies, 2 pieces of chocolate, and 2 FULL glasses of milk 

in the time it took me to eat a light dinner.

Watching him eat like that didn't phase me at all.

I come to work @ 7 in the morning and I see people

with their hair done, dressed in actual clothes, and quite often... even make up(!)

 Few people even look HAPPY...

ugh.

This has confused me for a while... 

so I started asking people

how much sleep they got last night.

Shocking discovery

MOST PEOPLE GET A GOOD AMOUNT OF SLEEP ON A REGULAR BASIS

WHAT??? 

I've never in my life had good sleeping patterns.

I can't ever sleep when I should, but then waking up is HELL.

My sleeping habits have NEVER been even kind of good.

I'm just now realizing how strange that is.

How not ok, and out of order all this is.

A guy at work asked me why I looked so awful this morning.
(an attempt to be sweet and caring I'm sure)
I shrugged my shoulders and said:
"Idonknow... No Make up? Genetics? Bad Child Rearing?"

Some of my behavior is off...
... It's an uncomfortable thing to realize at 22...

"My Thing"

I don't really have... a "thing"

I don't have a hobby or a talent or an interest that "defines" me.

This has always bothered me. 

 I mean... I don't even just need one thing and one thing only... I wouldn't mind having a few "things"

I just have always really hated the idea of people describing me

"yeah this girl Hillary... she uh... has blonde hair (most of the time)... and... uh...

she sometimes dances

sometimes does yoga

sometimes listens to music 

(nothing the same that would really warrant defining her "style" of music)

sometimes follows an odd assortment  of comedians

she journals... sometimes

goes to church (enough???)

She's into eastern stuff... but like the western style eastern stuff.

She likes great food... but eats a lot of junk food...

(Sometimes she doesn't eat cause it's more of a social thing for her)

(So if you think about it... she doesn't necessarily "love" food... or she'd do it more on her own)

I mean she doesn't really do anything... but she exists... you should meet her(?)

(I mean you don't have to cause there's no real reason to)"

...I don't do anything enough...

... but I do quite a bit a little bit...

Before my mother died she described my life to her friends as:

"full time work

full time church

full time school

and 

full time social"

(FACT: multiple people confirmed this story at her funeral)

Sometimes I feel guilty now;

thinking about her chillin' with her angel friends 

"yeah... my daughter works... and uh... sleeps.... a lot"

Then she quickly changes the subject to her busy son (who just got a promotion)

Her parents who continue to save the world

Her granddaughter who is about to start kindergarten 

and Her siblings whose lives have changed so dramatically

(alright that section hit a little too close to home... no more talk about dead moms and their looming disappointment)

I want a "thing"

I need a "thing"

I need a thing like every yogi needs a favorite position;

like every movie lover needs a favorite movie;

like kids need a favorite game.

I need a thing like every comedian needs a note able hook;

like music needs notes;

Like a poet needs a notebook.

One of the last dance classes I took before my mother died was from a intermediate level dancer.

(This kind of bothered me at first because I was still pretty advanced at that time)

But it was a style that I was new to, so I could learn from anyone at that point.

She said something incredibly simple that has stuck with me;

she said (while doing the most simple foot rhythm possible)

"if you get lost, come back here. If you get lost, remember you're grounded by you're feet, and this is home base."

After she said that our feet never once stopped moving. Each combination grew on the previous, and if you got lost or confused... you returned to the simple rhythmic steps from the beginning... watched, studied, (kept moving your feet) and eventually joined back in.

I need a thing because I need a home base. I need a "place" to go, to watch, to study, to keep moving and eventually join back in. 

(Moms are supposed to be home base.)

Headache Smithenson.

 This is Odd.... I know.

I've had a headache for about 3 days now. Every now and again it'll ease up a bit... but just when I think it's over and I'm done fighting it, I turn my head and it sucker punches me. It's kicking my trash. I've tried ignoring it, drugging it, sleeping it, yoga-ing it, and peppermint-ing it to death... it'll relax a bit, but it keeps coming back worse than before.

So today... having to stay home from church (again..... ugh.) I decided to not fight my headache. I went all eastern-yoga-master-one-with-self on that sucker. It's been totally weird and I feel like I should have had flowers in my hair and anti-war pamphlets (made from 100% recycled paper) on my desk.

I decided my headache was a pronoun. It was a person/thing. I made it tangible. I made it a seem like a bad house guest who pee'd on the toilet seat, tracked mud through the rooms, and ate all the food. I decided to cater to him till he decided I was boring. Every time my head would tense up with pain, or my eyes would get blurred with blind spots, I would close my eyes and do a 10 second breath (5 in, 5 out) then I would softly speak "What can I do for you?" I would imagine myself putting in a movie for my guest, Or pouring him a glass of lemonade, or even braiding his awful greasy hair.

I've been sniffing a lot of peppermint and lemongrass.

My headache has been slowly packing up and leaving. It's still really painful...  but hey, I've been able to look at my computer long enough to blog!

I think this hippie thing might be good for me... I think I might try it next time my stomach acts up. (Which by the way... my stomach hasn't been bad in about 5 days!!! yahoo!)

I know right?