Research

Looking ahead at my English assignments, I decided I want my end of semester portfolio to be themed. I want each of my papers to have one word tittles, and for each paper to revolve around one word; how it has effected me, it's true meaning, and life changing (or altering) moments due to one word.

I'm supposed to be writing a paper on a "significant event" in my life. While I've had plenty of moments that run through my mind, none of them can seem to be said in 3-4 pages of double spaced 12 pt. times new roman font allotted. So, I've had to think of smaller events, not huge events to where my entire being changes, but simple events to where my view of being is slightly altered.

I did classic brainstorming, that resulted in a list, that slowly has been narrowed down. The final two, in the serious category, have now been chosen. "Didn't" and "Silent." I'm not going to get deeply into why each of those words are important, or what happened with each of those words, because that is not what this blog post is about. This blog post is about the light research, and it's findings, that took place while attempting to decide the final topic of the paper. "Silent" is the paper that I was leaning towards. It's about putting your phone on silent, and all the implications, and expectations that come from the act of holding down that ever famous #. (If I end up writing it, don't worry, I'll post it.) So of course, out of fear of writing something that has already been written, I look for it. Among other things, I google "Turning your phone on silent." And this is where my story begins.

Fifth from the top there is a link to ehow.com. Ehow? The website that informs, and teaches you how to do everything from build a bookself, to even mend a broken heart. This web result, can only result in great things. I click on it.

"How to Find a Lost Cell Phone That Is on Silent"

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That, my friends, is the tittle of the article. While I think this is a completely ligitimate thing to worry about, it's the situation that came to my mind while reading this tittle (and article) that made me, literally, laugh out loud.

All of us, or at least I hope more then just I, have turned our phone on silent, then lost it. This always creates a slightly more paniced situation than just the usual, I can't find my phone. Because when you simply can't find your phone, just borrow someone elses, call it, and laugh when you find it in your coat pocket, on the couch, or still in your back pack. But when it's on silent... you have to sit, and think hard about where it could be. If it's late enough, aka dark enough, you can sometimes call it and see the flashing light. Yes, I've done this. Yes I understand it's a slightly more intense situation then the normal lost phone. What makes me laugh about this tittle is this, there have been people, who have been paniced enough about it, and confused enough about how to handle the situation, that it's been google'd. Someone knew someone who did not know how to handle the situation, that they wrote an entire step by step article, to ease their troubled mind.

While the tittle was funny to me, the steps just got more absurd and more hilarious at the thought of them actually happening. The thought of someone being that worried about their phone. Here are a few examples, and my thoughts pertaining to them:

3. Register your phone with a service such as AccuTracking if your cell phone company doesn't offer GPS locator services. AccuTracking is often used by parents to track the location of their children, but it can also be used to help you locate your lost phone.

I lose things alot... I really do. But... there is usually only about one of three, maybe five places they could be at. If you're getting to the point where you need a GPS for your cell phone, you my friend, are not mature enough to have a cell phone. That... or you're in too many places in too short of a time. To which I say, calm down.

5. Rent a metal detector and sweep the area where you think you might have lost it.

Couple things with this one. I understand getting attatched to material objects. I've got a stuffed animal I refuse to get rid of, and a ring I've been wearing for 13 years. But really? Your cell phone? This seems mighty extreme to me. But then I image a 14 year old girl, going balistic that she can't find her phone, renting a metal detector and completely terrorizing the house. No one has that pressing of information on their phone! All this being said... if any of you rent a metal detector to find your phone... please... I will pay for the rental if you allow me to take pictures and post them everywhere. You may not have your dignity afterwards, but at least you'll have your phone.

6. Call your phone, and walk around with a portable music device, preferably something older like a walkman with attached external speakers or an old boombox. If you are lucky, the ringing phone will cause distortion in the audio, which can help you pinpoint it's location.

This is hilarious because it specifies "walkman." Just imagine being with a friend, losing your phone (which unfortunately was on silent), and expressing disstress. Your friend calmly looks at you and replies "dude, no worries, I keep a walkman in my car for this exact reason."

So there you have it. Yet another post about how absurd I think cell phones, and the human connection to them are. I only posted 3 of the 6 suggestions to the epidemic issue of lost silent phones, but I felt they were the most needed. I hope this will solve all your problems of lost silent phones. Together, we WILL find a solution to this. ( Ivie for President... 2028).